Eavesdropping on a woman: “What’s said at book club stays at book club.”

Eavesdropping on a trash-talking preschooler during the tornado warnings last week: “I’m going to hit that tomato right in the eye!”

Eavesdropping on Facebook: A father tells his 4-year-old daughter if she didn’t eat her dinner she couldn’t have a popsicle.

“She came into my office with a clean plate and an innocent smile, ‘Daddy! I ate my dinner!’ Suspicious, I said, ‘If I look in the trash, am I going to find your dinner in there?’ She looks up at me and says, ‘Uhhh … are you going to look in the bathroom trash?'”

Eavesdropping on a 4-year-old and her father on Facebook: “Daddy, do you remember that time you wouldn’t let me get my face painted?”
“You mean two years ago? When we were at that festival and it started raining?”
“Yeah, that’s the time.”
“Uhhhh … yeah I remember, why?”
“I used to like you before that.”

Eavesdropping on a server to a man at the VIP launch party of Le Jardin: “Would you like a croque monsieur with truffle bechamel sauce?”

“You had me at truffle.”

Eavesdropping on a man: “While in Japan, I asked my friend Yuca what the Japanese thought of the new upcoming Godzilla movie. They think he is too fat.”

Eavesdropping on a “dude from Wyoming” wearing a camouflage hat talking to a woman in a Capitol Hill bar: “Hi. I think you’re attractive, and I have to leave soon, but I was wondering if you date boys or girls? I noticed you’re not wearing a wedding ring.”

“That was an interesting opener.”

“I’m told in this neighborhood, you have to ask.”

Eavesdropping on a man and a woman:

“I backed out of a parking space at Whole Foods, and backed into a woman driving a Honda Fit.”

“What does a Honda Fit look like?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t see it!”

Eavesdropping on Facebook: Be nice to your nieces and nephews. One day you’ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.