Eavesdropping on a woman talking about a weight-loss product, which necessitates the user stay within a close proximity to a bathroom: “I tried Ally. No dignity in that.”

Eavesdropping on a woman: “That awkward moment when you realize that you don’t know how to operate your own washing machine because your man does the laundry.”

Eavesdropping on a woman during the Elway’s 10th Annual Summer Music Series’ opening concert with The Railbenders: “Someone call Noah and tell him to send the ark.”

Eavesdropping on a woman at True Food Kitchen in Cherry Creek: “I quit wearing mascara during the Ford administration.”

Eavesdropping on meeting planners at a conference sitting in a catered cabana at Trump Las Vegas. The host introduced his younger boyfriend to the group: “I am not a cougar, I’m a cou-gay!”

Eavesdropping on a Summit County couple discussing the crazy weather we’ve been having while riding in a Parking Spot van from DIA: “I just wish someone would come shovel all that ‘global warming’ off my driveway!”

Eavesdropping on a man on Facebook: “So I went to the 7-Eleven in my building for a nutritious lunch. After finding the five items I craved, the checkout lady asked if I wanted a bag for that. (At this point I always fantasize with this comeback: ‘No, that’s OK, I’m a professional juggler.'”

Eavesdropping on a woman talking about other women shopping in Cherry Creek North: “Those women wear their makeup and jewelry and high heels to water aerobics.”

Eavesdropping on a man to a woman: “You know what’s good about getting old?  Pretty much nothing! ”